Que Sera….Sera (in English)

Que Sera….Sera

By Lizi Rahman

Even though I went to bed after 2 O’clock in the morning, I wake up early as usual. It became a habit of mine, I can’t sleep late in the morning. Even when I was working, I couldn’t stay in bed late. During breaks (winter, mid-winter, spring), weekends and even in summer vacations.  Now that I’m not working, I still wake up early. I enjoy my mornings by myself. The whole household is asleep in the morning. Well, the whole household includes only my husband and my adolescent son. On weekdays my son is out of the house by 7 am, and on weekends he is in bed until noon. So, I have my privacy and quiet time. It’s a time for self reflection.

I put a kettle of water on the stove, and place a slice of whole wheat bread in the toaster oven. After the water comes to a boil, I soak a bag of my favorite Tetley tea in my simple white coffee mug. There are some real fancy mugs sitting in the cupboard. Some were bought by my husband during his stay in Dubai, and some were bought by my daughter on her trips to different countries. I don’t know why I prefer to drink in simple white mugs. My toast starts burning. Quickly, I take the bread out of the toaster oven. I take down the jar of peanut butter from the top shelf of the cupboard. My son is allergic to peanuts, but I’m nuts about nuts. Even though he is a big boy now, and knows what’s bad for him, I still don’t take chances. I keep all my nuts out of his sight. I spread a generous amount of peanut butter on my toast. The other day, my husband was reminding me of the calorie intake of peanut butter. It contains a high amount of bad cholesterol or fat or calorie or something. I don’t remember exactly what he was referring to. I hardly pay attention to the calorie count. I eat what I enjoy the most. Cakes, candies, cookies, pitha, snacks, you name it. Anything sweet, I’ll indulge it without guilt. I don’t care about gaining weight, clogging my arteries, getting diabetes. Que sera….sera, whatever will be, will be. Now, let me enjoy myself.

I settle down in the living room in front of the TV with my breakfast. I just can’t sit by myself at the dining table and eat my food quietly. I have to have something to keep me company, a book or newspaper or TV. Usually, in the mornings its the TV.  I turn the TV on, set it on Channel 5 for local news, and take a bite of my toast. The crunchy peanut butter makes it difficult to hear the news. Did I mention that I prefer crunchy peanut butter instead of the creamy one? I take time and enjoy every single bite of my toast. Most people would drink their tea or coffee after they finish eating their breakfast or snack. Not me. I take a sip of my tea in between my bites on the toast. The taste and aroma of my morning tea makes me energized. My toast and tea disappear all most at the same time. This is why I don’t get two slices of toast in the morning. My tea would disappear way before my toast, and I’d be stuck with only my toast.

I put away my empty cup and plate in the kitchen, and open my box of ‘paan’. Paan is a kind of leaf (betel leaf), and is chewed along with areca nuts, slaked lime paste and with or without chewing tobacco in many countries in Asia. I like to chew paan a few times a day. So, I start my day with my first paan. I make my paan with chewing tobacco, and put it in my mouth, and sit in front of the TV again. Chewing paan is not good for oral health, and chewing tobacco is even worse for your overall health.  I’m well aware of that. My husband hates to see me chewing paan, so I prefer to chew paan in private, especially when he is not around. From time to time he tried to discourage or persuade me from chewing paan, but that didn’t deter me from chewing paan. Fear of having oral cancer, heart problem or other health problems don’t slow me down, rather it made me more determined to chew paan. Who cares?  Que sera….sera.

So, I keep enjoying my paan. When the weather is better, I would go out to the balcony, and take care of my plants. Since the weather started to get colder, and most of my plants are dying, I hardly go out to the balcony to take care of them. Instead, I would sit in front of the computer, write whatever I feel like, and explore Facebook, Tweet, Linkedin, Youtube, Hotmail, etc. I don’t turn the computer on this morning, because in a few minutes I’ve to take a shower, get ready, and go out. 

Ever since I have lost my job, I hardly go out of the house. To apply for a new job, you don’t really have to go out. Everybody advertises through the internet. There are many staffing agencies and job sites on the web. I usually sit in front of the computer, search for jobs, apply for jobs, correspond with prospective employers, etc. I haven’t heard from anyone about a job interview or appointment yet, but that doesn’t mean I’ve to go out. Even interviews can be arranged via webcam. So there is no need for me to go out except for grocery shopping.

Today, I have decided to go to my son’s high school to attend a Parent Teacher Association meeting. Last week, I went to his school for the Parent Teacher Conference, and expressed my desire to join the PTA. I was involved in his elementary school PTA Board. I was completely absent from his Middle School PTA, because of my stressful and strenuous job. Now that have some time in my hands, I decided to get involved in the PTA. My son has been vehemently opposing the idea, he even hid away the PTA membership form early in the school year. I’m not sure what is this or why is he doing this. Adolescence? Resistance? Arrogance? Whatever it is, I’ve decided to ignore it, and join the PTA. I always felt I should get involved in my children’s education. Due to my heavy workload, I couldn’t do it for a long time. Now that I’ve some time, why shouldn’t I do it now?

So, I continue to get ready. I want to create a good first impression in the minds of all the parents and teachers at the meeting. I blow dry my hair, wear a little makeup and light jewelry, and put on my best outfit. Try very hard not to overdo anything. I look at my reflection on the mirror with admiration. Not bad for someone who is in her fifties, and is unemployed.
I look at my hands, they look ugly. I don’t want those people to see my ugly hands. I still have some time in my hands. So, I put a fresh coat of nail polish on my chubby short fingernails. I use a natural color, almost white with a hint of pink. I glance at the time, and jump up. It’s time I should be leaving the house. I don’t want to be late. Quickly I grab my jacket, pocketbook, keys, put on my shoes, and run out of the house.

By the time I go inside the school, it is exactly 10 O’clock. I am pleased with myself to be there on time. Except for my work and school, I don’t like to be pressed for time. I prefer to go everywhere on my own time. I don’t even like to go to the doctor’s office or hairdresser anymore. That's because I don’t like to keep up with somebody else’s time. I’d rather go there whenever I have time and mood. If they are free at my time,  I’d get an instant appointment. If not, I don’t care. I go on with my life. Que sera….sera. Whatever will be, will be.

Saturday, November 2, 2013